August 31, 2010 by admin.

“Focusing on the big picture” is necessary when home schooling. When we don’t focus on the big picture - the result of our efforts plus God’s grace- we get tunnel vision. One of the biggest pitfalls of home schooling failures is that they got tunnel vision- only seeing a small pinpoint of light, and (eventually)wondering when the end will come!

On the road home to WV from NC there is a tunnel through Big Walker Mountain. I will never forget one trip when the traffic was backed up for over 20 miles before the tunnel! As we got closer to the tunnel, we could see that they had one lane closed and were painting lines on the road. There was an exit right before the tunnel. (I think they kept that exit just for claustrophobics!) Well, when there are three females in a vehicle for a long period of time- let’s just say that is why they make rest areas! By the time we got to that mess, we were about to float through the tunnel and it didn’t seem like traffic was going to move for a while, so we elected to go OVER the mountain.

Once we got moving again (and breathing air that was not laden with paint fumes!) we saw the most beautiful farms and rolling hills! The sky actually looked bluer, and we even ‘mooed’ at the cows in the pasture. J Sure, it took a longer time to go over the mountain, and the gas station on the other side of the tunnel was the same one we stopped at when we came down the other side of the hill, but we were no longer stressed and grouchy at one another. It was a FUN journey. One that I would like to take again some day.

In comparison, many a new home schooling Mom has picked up her curriculum at a curriculum fair with delusions of grandeur (okay, maybe that’s too strong) -visions of excellence- dancing in their brains. Instead of choosing curriculum based on usable, everyday knowledge, we are lured by bright colors and/or name brand, shiny, excellently printed, streamlined and organized materials. As we pick up the package, we see our son or daughter at the next homeschool fellowship standing in front of a three sided cork board with a pointy, white stick discussing the plans for a new rocket designed to reach the north star! Well, not saying that can’t happen, for obviously in our history, people have done great things, but this should not be the main goal! If it happens, thank the Lord! Until it does, teach what is necessary to inspire greatness, and leave the promotion to God. J

Tunnel vision says that if Junior or Susie did not get 90% on all quizzes and tests he/she did not apply him/herself. The big picture says that your child knows 90% of the materials presented! If you feel that the other ten percent is absolutely necessary for their life goals, and they might not learn those facts later on, then by all means continue to teach that material until your child knows it. Otherwise, chalk it up to human error. (You know, chances are that if you give the same test a week later, after explaining the wrong answers, they may get a higher score. And chances are, if you go over the wrong answers you will find they say something like, “Oh! I knew that! I didn’t mean to put that answer!”)

Now, some of my homeschooling friends would chastise me right now for being mediocre and rearing my children without a full-throttle gung-ho attitude. “If we don’t aspire to greatness,” they say, “others will, and we will have a bad testimony for Christ and for homeschoolers everywhere!” Well, just call me a mountain of mediocrity, I guess. I think it was the Apostle Paul who said to let your moderation be known to all men, and that although he was a learned man, he chose to know nothing among some folks save Jesus Christ and him crucified. Don’t get me wrong, though, he CHOSE not to know anything among SOME folks. The point is that Paul had the big picture. He was learned and educated, but he wasn’t proud about it. You know what he counted all that as! He knew what was important in life and that was to attain Christ. To know HIM. To show others who Jesus Christ is and what His desire for our lives is.

We must take heed, therefore, to stave off the condition of tunnel vision as we go through the tunnel of homeschooling - for it IS just that- (just a part of the whole road of life) Let us not be forgetting that there is a whole valley opening up just beyond the 12^th grade!

All that aside. Maybe I am justifying my lack of Math skills? That sounds like a random thought, but it’s actually pertinent. I tried last year to do Algebra. I didn’t do so well. I am going on 39 years old. All of 25 years ago I was in an Algebra class in 8^th grade. I failed that class and every other Algebra class I have ever tried to go through since. I guess I’m going to try it again this year just because I have something to prove to myself. At this point I don’t’ know if it will ever get done, but I’m mad enough at the Algebra god to push him over a cliff! He plagues my dreams with visions of X and Y - that doesn’t do anything to help that Biology class the kids are taking- and makes me think in parentheses! (Well, sorta). See what I mean. J

If I don’t watch out, I can get tunnel vision. I will forget that I have lived those 25+ years in happiness and peace without EVER solving for X. Am I mediocre because I don’t think in terms of Algebraic expressions and polynomials? I don’t know, but in the big picture, I don’t think many people care. Well, except those rocket scientists. Whom, I guess, are needful to society. When your child reaches that goal, forgive me for my ignorance, please.

In all honesty, if I could ever have finished my grocery shopping with the aid of X, I may have tried to use her. She just doesn’t make herself available! J Dusting with the aid of Y may have encouraged me, since he might have saved me some time - um, after I did the problem to solve for the amount of time it would take to dust the area of my home before I started to actually do the work.

So, did I do it the hard way?

I guess sometimes you just have to go OVER the mountain and not through the tunnel!

Posted in attitude, philosophy, Algebra, curriculum, hints, beginning, homeschooling | No Comments »

June 21, 2010 by admin.

Courting

A lot of folks have recently begun asking me questions about our girls; (Logan is still available) how their relationships with their “to-be’s” came about, and how they are progressing. So I thought I would just write a little about it, give some definitive terms, and how it has happened not once, but twice so far in our family. What’s more, we are looking forward to a third time! The next time, it will be different for us because Logan will be doing the courting instead of being courted! I might be asking for some advice from someone else on this one!

To begin, there are many, many different ideas about courtship. I really don’t think that any two or three families do it exactly the same way, although involved families need to agree on how their children will be courting. They need to be on the same page as far as courtship rules etc. For example, along with our physical contact rules which I talk about in the next couple paragraphs, we also have a rule that we read all letters and cards and all emails and chats. There is nothing spoken of that cannot be heard by parents or siblings. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Being brought up in a ‘dating’ culture, neither my husband, nor I had any concept of courting when we started seeing each other as a couple. While our parents certainly did not want us to be promiscuous, they saw nothing at all wrong with holding hands or hugging or even kissing for the most part, eventually. I say eventually, because things in dating relationships usually progress quickly physically often leaving out the more important facets of a relationship while courtship progresses intellectually, emotionally and spiritually for a more well rounded relationship, sealing the courtship with marriage and the physical.

A friend of ours, when talking to teens and families is quick to point out that what hand you are holding or whose lips you are kissing do not belong to you if you are not married. If you are not committed to a relationship before you get that pleasure, you may be kissing someone else’s wife or husband! Avoid fornication. That’s good advice.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 1-4 that it is good for a man not to touch a woman, but to avoid fornication, let them have a wife or a husband. In today’s world and culture, teenagers can’t have a wife or a husband, so our family believes that to avoid fornication until such time, touching is off limits. As a teenager, I did not understand, (not discounting my own rebellion) that physical contact is dangerous if not within the bonds of marriage. I will say that we allow our children to shake hands with their “to-be’s” It is a different handshake than at fellowship time at church, but not long enough to count as hand-holding. They can say hello and goodbye, but otherwise there is no touching.

Why the word “to-be”? Well, again, unlike a dating situation, our children’s relationships are not based on a trial or a game. The young men are not just having a good time with our girls, but they have the intention of marriage, and they have had that idea since the day they each came to my husband and asked to court our daughters. (more on that later)

The word ‘boyfriend’ is a word that we don’t even like to use, but most people don’t understand our vocabulary. To keep from having to explain our courting terms over and over, we just say boyfriend most of the time. J So, actually when we say “to-be” we mean husband or wife to-be. I like to use the words Leah’s or Sarah’s “intended” or ‘Fellow’, while Kelcey’s parents usually call Leah, “Kelcey’s Lady” or his “Princess”.

Some people think that we were silly to put that serious of a tag on the relationship from the very start, but the reason for that is simple. We’re not playing games. It IS a serious relationship. We know both our daughter’s relationships were orchestrated not from human trial and error, but from a heavenly design and plan for the good of our children and the glory of God. Why should we NOT revel in the grace of God and his will being accomplished in our lives? It is an answer to many prayers to have Kelcey O’Neil courting our Leah and Christopher Davis courting our Sarah.

Yes, we believe that we prayed, and God answered. You don’t let God have that part of your life? Do you not think it’s important enough to pray about? Or do you think that God doesn’t care who your child spends the rest of her/his life with? Do you not think that you can choose (or at least influence highly) your child’s idea of a mate? We actually had a mental list of qualifications and these guys met the standards. If they had not, the answer would have been no, we don’t believe you are the young man God has for our daughter.

One of the first questions that I get asked from well meaning but ignorant folks is ‘He is a Christian isn’t he?” Once, I replied. “Yes, but he likes to party and get drunk on the weekends, we’re hoping she is a good influence” My friend knew I was joking, so I said, “Ask a stupid question…” Then I asked her did she honestly think we would approve of a situation without Christ as the center? OR could it be that coming from a dating culture, we just expect our teenagers to rebel?

Our Courting ideas did not come from a book (except the Bible). We had our own ideas of what we wanted for our children for the most part. One thing we avoided was play-dating. We never encouraged little boyfriends or let them hold hands with other little ones when they were small. I guess we always saw the danger of letting our children be flirtatious. Yes, it’s cute, however, we always were able to see that what is wrong and cute at age two is still wrong and NOT cute at age 12. Did they have crushes? Sure. And they told us about them. When they did express that they ‘liked’ someone, we did not fain excitement or show how ‘fun’ or cute it was that they had an interest, but we re-iterated what the Bible says about husbands and wives. (I was reading this aloud and Leah says we said “He’s married! J ) We taught our girls to be chaste and modest instead of flirtatious and wanton. Now, when they think about their past crushes, they know it was a healthy interest in the opposite sex, but they are not embarrassed of their actions.

We did not roll our eyes in mock frustration in the ‘what am I going to do with you’ attitude. We realized that human beings are created to be loved by someone special and it is not good that man be alone. It doesn’t matter how old you are. You know what love is. We never told them they did not know what they were talking about, but we did tell them that they lacked the experience to choose what was best and we tried to develop their trust in us by being honest, sincere, and hopefully consistent enough that when we thought it time, or the right person was revealed, we would tell them.

It was the same - but different- for both girls. Here’s how it happened: (remember that there are FOUR gospels, so if you want another version of the love story, ask Kelcey, Leah, and Kelcey’s parents! LOL)

The Prince and the Princess:

(Imagine sweeping harp chords, dreamy chimes and the foggy mist of memory lifting)

We went to Virginia for my husband to preach and our family to sing at a newly established church. The pastor is a friend we’ve known since the early 1990’s. He informed my husband casually that there would be another preacher and his family there- the O’Neil’s. We did not know them, although we had traveled in the same circles and knew many of the same people. The Pastor was surprised! How could we not know them?! We had been to the same churches but had never met. The answer, it was not time. As we women- another preacher’s wife, the pastor’s wife and I- were preparing food for the meeting, the O’Neil’s arrived and the door to the Pastor’s home opened. In walked a tall, dark and handsome stranger with a firm handshake and a pair of nice cowboy boots! J He spoke with confidence, was polite to my husband and could hold an intelligent conversation. Only one problem, he wasn’t the least bit interested in Leah! My husband, however, was ticking that list off in his mind and Kelcey O’Neil was fitting the bill. Later, my husband revealed to me that he thought the Lord was answering our prayers for Leah. It ‘just so happened’ that we found common interests with Kelcey’s parents (which we found out later was because they were ticking off their own list and had gotten the word from the Heavenly Headquarters that Leah was going to be their daughter-in- law) and began spending time in many family outings getting to know each other. Leah and I spoke in November of 2007 about how she might be feeling about Kelcey, and I told her what her Dad and I believed. That he was ’the one’. Kelcey fought tooth and nail against this arrangement although nothing had been said to him about it. He had no problem fellowshipping with Ron and me, but when it came to being nice to Leah or even pretending to be nice, he wanted none of it. Nothing was said to him of trying to ’marry him off’ but he felt it. He was very upset to hear his Dad praying about this situation, but later told us that it was a sweet memory. We went away for a week or two in October 2008 in our ministry (almost a year after Leah and I had spoken), and Kelcey found that it was not being able to live WITH someone for the rest of your life, but not being able to live WITHOUT them that mattered. He missed Leah. It smacked him hard upside his head and he told his dad that he thought he was beginning to like Leah. Over the course of the next eight months, he and his dad had many conversations and, eventually, Leah began seeing a change. She began to notice that he was looking her way, that he would say something to her now and again, that talking to him for more than a sentence or two was kind of nice…and that she could be herself. (To understand more about Leah, read the blog = The Same But Different) By Memorial Day 2009, they were holding conversations alone, but in plain sight. They laughed, and they talked and talked! June 2009 was Leah’s graduation from home school and she was a picture of a magnificent lady full of grace in her formal dress we bought for her! Kelcey could take it no more, and the day after graduation, he and his Dad took Ron to lunch, and he asked to court Leah. Ron asked him some basic questions and then they came back to the house. We sat as a family around our table and Kelcey told Leah that he had just had a talk with her Daddy and had asked him if he could court her if she would ‘be agreeable’. She said she was, very much so. Kelcey’s Dad then asked Leah some questions, too. When he asked her how serious she was about courting Kelcey, she surprised us all by looking into Kelcey’s eyes and saying, “I’m very serious. I love you very much.” I could not have day-dreamed that! I could not have picked up and read a fairy tale with that much magic!

It has been a year, and they have grown together in goals and dreams. Tonight, as they sat on the porch swing, they sat and read the Bible together and prayed. They are planning their life together, and preparing for marriage. Am I naïve enough to think that they do not want to touch, hold hands, kiss and cuddle? Not on your life! I know they have that desire, but their desire to do things right is stronger. They have not been placed into compromising situations that tested their resolve to the point of breaking. We do not hover over them, nor do we require them to be constantly watched, although they are in public areas at all times. They have been sheltered by grace and kept in a safe place. No, they are not engaged in the generic sense of the word because Kelcey has not proposed, nor given her a ring. When the last pieces of his plan are put into place, there will be another formal meeting with Ron and Kelcey, man to man, and an engagement will be commenced - complete with celebration with family and some very close friends- and the carving of Kelcey’s name into Leah’s hope chest! Although we have always known that marriage is the imminent goal, we want them to have the memory of the very moment that he actually asks her to be his bride. That is the day that the wedding date is announced. Although there has been quite a few months of courtship, there will probably not be a long engagement; probably just long enough to order a dress and some invitations! And the Prince and the Princess will live happily ever after….

In the time before their courtship, the Queen Mum (um that would be me) did a lot of instructing on how to be a good Princess and began preparing Leah to be courted. She grew and matured, waiting quietly for her Prince. ( I think the other Queen and I were a bit ‘antsy’ but Leah actually did fine while waiting for His Royal Stubbornness to come around! J ) So, when his intentions were finally realized, she was ready to accept, easily and with no reserve. I never said a lot to Leah about Kelcey before his announcement, as far as teasing her about liking him. She is not that kind of girl. I knew she would break down and cry. She wanted to believe, but did not want to hope too strongly, that Kelcey liked her. So we just didn’t talk about it much. At one point , I think she really wanted to just forget about it all because Kelcey was being more than a little rude to her, trying, I think, to remain in control of the situation but not being very successful!

TALE NUMBER TWO -

The Charming Knight and the Lady in Waiting…

The Lady who waited and waited for her own prince to come sat daydreaming about a day when, like her sister, a handsome stranger would ask for her hand. She wanted to feel included and doted upon. She wanted to be special to someone who would understand her. She filled her days with music and photography of God’s beautiful creation; his flowers, his clouds, his rain and dewdrops. She filled her spirit with laughter and mischief. She climbed hills and rooftops so as to see things from a different perspective. That was nothing new. Sarah always sees things from a different perspective! She was jealous of Leah but she didn’t want to be. She knew she was two years younger. She just felt left out! Then, there was an evening in March 2009 when we went to the O’Neil’s house with the specific purpose of playing music with an old friend of theirs, and a newer friend of Kelcey’s, one Mr. Christopher Davis who played the piano, and who was a computer savvy co-worker of his. We, Ron and I, found him very charming, and I saw Sarah melt before my very eyes. When we got home, I told Ron what I had seen and although we had been praying for Sarah, our lives had been a little consumed with Leah’s heartstrings, so we began praying in earnest for our little Sarah Grace. Chris came to Ron’s birthday party that we held in his honor at my In-law’s house. He was the last to leave as he and Sarah had been finding common ground in the Irish whistle music and some favorite hymns. At one point, Leah walked into the music room where Sarah and Chris were, and felt so much energy that she walked back out smiling and pointing! I shushed her quickly and reminded her that she had a long while before seeing her sister in the same courtship situation as she was so newly in! J It was not long after that moment that Ron, too saw sparks flying, handed Mr. Davis his hat and told him good night, in a courteous manner, of course! At the next meeting- about a month later, the four kids went over to the church at Walton and played music together. This is when Chris said it strongly occurred to him that ‘someone’ was going to be a lucky guy to get Sarah. He was still thinking about his college plans and not getting serious about anyone. For a long while, Sir Chris, the noble gentle knight spent time, money and effort for and with our family and the O’Neil’s. I think he began to notice that the things Kelcey and Leah did as a courting couple were no different than when they weren’t officially courting, except for a few more longing looks (which Chris teased him mercilessly about). He found that he liked exchanging friendly greetings on Sarah’s Facebook wall, and ‘singing’ with her the hymns of praise. He saw that she loved the Lord and was genuinely interested in service. He began asking Kelcey questions about courting when they went to lunch or when they got together to play music without us around. In about November of 2009, he told Kelcey that he thought he might like someone. I am not sure whether or not he told him it was Sarah. Of course Kelcey did not tell us, but God sure had told us months before! At our house, things were getting pretty rough for Sarah because of me and Leah. We teased her about Sir Chris and SuperChris as we called him because he could fix ANY computer or technical related question. We laughed that they had so much in common and how cute they were going to be together. Even Ron got in on the act and began teasing Sarah about Chris. She took it well, hoping and wanting to believe that maybe some day after Chris graduated college and she finished high school, that he might think about her. After Chris and his family came up to exchange gifts at Christmas, it looked like things might be looking up for Sarah. I think around the first of January 2010, Chris told his parents that he liked Sarah and that he was praying about it. He began attending our church on Wednesday nights, sometimes even driving in snowy and winter weather conditions! Ron said he didn’t think Chris was driving all that way just to see him! Sarah’s 16^th birthday was on a Tuesday and we had a small family gathering, purposely choosing not to invite Chris up specially. Ron and I could feel a thunderhead forming and didn’t want to push anything. We decided to play along at the ‘just friends’ façade Chris was putting up. After all, A few days after Sarah’s birthday, we had planned a skating party for her at a local skating rink and he and his family were coming to that. On the day of her party it rained so hard that it flooded our neighborhood and we couldn’t get out of the hollow! Sarah was SO very upset- not only because the party had to be postponed until the next week, but because she was looking so forward to seeing Chris that day. I think he had kind of an inkling, but not a real understanding of how much Sarah cared about him. But when he heard that she was upset- and crying, he could barely contain his true feelings anymore and tried to console her by telling her that it was just the Twelve Days of Birthday! All her grief over postponing the party was gone! The Wednesday after that, Chris came to supper, as he had been doing, but before church, stopped Ron and asked him if he would come to dinner on Friday with him and his Dad. On Friday, March 19^th 2010, Chris asked Ron for Sarah. It had been almost a year since he had talked to Kelcey, and Ron was more than happy to say yes to Chris, but he did not think about Chris and his Dad coming to the house so he could ask Sarah himself. He came home with the great news to the Queen Mum and the Princess, and most of all the Lady in Waiting all chastising him for telling Chris he would see him in the morning! He ACCIDENTLY made Chris wait until Saturday, March 20^th to ask Sarah to be his Lady. (instead of just in-waiting!) In that twelve hours, Chris did a lot of thinking about how to talk to Sarah face to face and he was so nervous when we four finally sat down at the table. (The Prince and Princess took care of keeping the rest of the court occupied while the round table meeting was commencing!) Unlike Kelcey’s and Leah’s announcement, Chris’ parents were not present when he asked Sarah if she would allow him to court her, and unlike Leah’s announcement to Kelcey, Sarah did not forcefully and confidently proclaim her love to her noble Knight in Shining Armor. She just sweetly smiled, and said she would allow him to. J A little later, as they sat by the piano, Chris on the bench and Sarah at his feet, she smiled up at him and whispered ‘those three little words’ to Chris before he left with Kelcey for the evening. Kelcey said he had to use two seatbelts to tie Chris down on the way home that night - because he was floating away on cloud nine! It has been almost three months since that evening, and Sarah has indeed been courted very well! And we believe that God has been glorified! Their letters and conversations praise God for his goodness, and for his choice to put them together. They talk of wanting to please the Lord in their lives and in their life together. They are not making marriage plans yet, but know that they are going to get married. Right now, they are re-iterating Chris’ desire and necessity to finish his accounting degree. Sarah still has a year of high school to finish. Right now, they just want to make beautiful music together and are still amazed to see God working in their lives. They are beginning to grow together, and in the Lord. We are looking for great things from them! The beginning…

So… that’s how it happened and is happening. If you have any questions, or comments, please feel free to let me know J

Posted in attitude, child rearing, comments, prayer, hints | 1 Comment »

February 23, 2010 by admin.

This part was lost in the computer laundry….I might find it later lol….

Let’s go on to some Homeschooling Q & A Well, for the last three .. um…two…blogs, I’ve not really focused on homeschooling as much as getting to the heart of the spiritual issue of trust. I thought I would kind of get back on the subject of homeschooling for those of my followers who want to know about homeschooling, since they don’t need any spiritual advice

Posted in friends, teachers, opposition to homeschooling, attitude, comments, beginning, letter of intent, curriculum, homeschooling | 2 Comments »

February 4, 2010 by admin.

This is the second part to my WHY Bible Study. We get into a little bit of homeschooling/child rearing at this point, but I hope that you were benefitted by asking yourself ‘WHY we do what we do, and why we have given our lives to serving Jesus and doing his will ‘ (from the song- A Love Down Deep in My Heart, by the Rochester’s) I feel I again need to clarify that I am not intending to teach or preach to men, but to instruct younger women. If you are a man and are reading this, please take it or leave it. 

Part 2

1. Why ask why? I’m actually thinking about WHY we would ask God why about a situation, but a good way to study your King James Bible is to apply the law of first mentions which will give you a definition of a word or precept within the text of scripture in which it is found first.

The first time the word why is used in the Bible is in Genesis 4:6. Interestingly, it is not asked by man, but by God himself. He asks Cain- Why art thou wroth, and why is thy countenance fallen? Gen 4:7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.

I think God wants to show us something about asking the question ‘why’.

One, he wants to show us that he is reasonable. He gave Cain an “out”. He gave him a chance to explain himself. Cain brought the fruit of his own labor, and when he was called on the carpet for it, he found himself speechless. If you will notice, Cain doesn’t answer God, but goes and talks with his brother. Gen 4:8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother : and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. He evidently didn’t get the sympathy from Abel that he was looking for! So one sin led to a bigger one, and he killed his brother. That was Cain’s free will and not God’s fault. He gave Cain a chance.

Two, God wants to show us that he is in control and we are accountable to Him.

Verse 7 says : If thou doest well, will thou not be accepted? and then he goes on to give Cain terms - IF this, then THAT. Eventually, Cain is punished by being sent out from the presence of God and everything he knows.

Three, since God is reasonable, and we are accountable to Him, He wants us to trust Him. What is the first thing that Cain did when God dismissed him? He went out to get a second opinion from his peer. He did not humble himself to God and get rid of the pride of his will. He was proud of that produce that he brought before the Lord. HE worked for it. He didn’t bring the sickly looking tomatoes and limp carrots and squishy cucumbers! Nosiree- he brought the best he had! And in itself, this is not bad, for we should give the Lord our best and our first fruits, but it was in his attitude where sin abode!

His attitude was the problem. The wrong sacrifice COULD have been fixed. He didn’t trust God to know what he was doing. He didn’t understand WHY his offering couldn’t be good enough. Of course, we realize that GOD was setting the standard - the “type” - of the blood sacrifice, a foreshadow of Christ’s blood shed for us.Leah has coined a curious word. She calls a bad attitude BADITUDE.

When we see folks with children who are:

1. Surly and bored-looking, who obey -most of the time- but with stooped shoulders and rolling eyes

2. Teenagers or pre-teens who never speak or smile unless they are talking to their friends

3. Who have an ‘impress me if you can’ air.

4. Church members’ kids- Kids who should be the happiest kids on earth with a Daddy who looks forward to coming home to Mamma, who treat them with love and respect, who would do anything possible to make them happy-

5. Kids who do what they are told, for the most part, but you can tell their heart is not in it. It’s not their idea so they are going to make life miserable for everyone else.

6. Kids who shouldn’t have a care in the world

These are homeschooled kids, public school kids, and Christian schooled kids.

We are saddened by their Baditude.

Even sadder is the fact that a lot of parents don’t seem to notice! As long as their child is not the one making a scene or embarrassing them in public, it’s all good. Just the moment the child gets out of hand in public, though, the parent exhibits one of three attitudes themselves.

One- AKA- Defeat. ‘I just don’t know what I did wrong to make Johnny or Susie do this’ (and they have not the strength to change it) They make excuses for the child’s behavior to you, but when they get home, a battle ensues, not for the child’s good, but because the parents were embarrassed. This only leads to the child learning what socially acceptable behavior is, and not changing their heart.

Two- they yell at the child until EVERYONE is embarrassed at the yelling instead of the original offense delivered by the child. The child usually yields to the parent at this point, depending on how old they are, and then the parent proudly accepts the victory over the situation and thinks they have it covered, and the child proudly starts doing something else socially unacceptable.

Three- They ignore the child until the child decides to stop doing whatever it is that is annoying everyone, and chalk it up to a phase that all kids have to go through and/or as a battle between children and grown-ups.

A long time ago, I sat my kids down and said. “Your Dad and I are NOT your enemies, and we want you to talk to us- not your peers - about how we make you feel. I do not want an “US against THEM” war going on in our house. We may not always agree with you, and may not let you have your way, but if you trust us, we can get through anything - because WE have already been there, and your friends haven’t. So if “US against THEM” is what you want, we’ll be on YOUR team. ”

When you hear the word “Whatever” come out of your child’s mouth - they have BADITUDE. They are not just ‘expressing their creativity’ as the school would have you believe. They are expressing their sinful nature! But they are also questioning your authority.

DEAR PARENT, it’s not enough to have a well trained and obedient child.

WHY do our children have bad attitudes?

Well, are we reasonable toward them as God was reasonable to Cain? Or do we just get mad and throw scripture at them and say they MUST honor their father and mother, and JUST BECAUSE I SAID SO? Because I’m The MOM!- that’s WHY!? Do they see US honoring God, just because HE said so? Even on our bad days? Let’s be consistent.

Do they realize they are accountable to us, as we are accountable to God? And do we remember that we are accountable to God- FOR them- at least for a good part of their lives.

Do they trust us?

Try this at home if your children are still small enough to handle: and for Pete’s sake, don’t make a big deal out of it or tell them WHY…just have some fun. YOU know why, and that’s what counts.

Stand your child in front of you and tell them to close their eyes and fall backward into your arms. If they do it, they TRUST that you will catch them. (What if they look over their shoulders while doing it and give a nervous laugh?) It might take a time or two, but I bet they will get used to it.

You have had a training session in trust and faith, in you, and eventually in Christ.

But what if they don’t do it? Well, training sessions are NOT designed to make your child feel inadequate or embarrassed. If they don’t trust you, it’s your fault.

Do not punish them, and don’t - by any means- fall apart in front of them and scream WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME? Cry to GOD to show you why you lost that trust, and how you can get it back. Then dry your eyes, pull up your pants -um…straighten your skirt… and be consistent in your walk and talk and know WHY you tell Johnny and Susie to do this or that.

By the way, there is no real science to parenting, although advice is helpful. I am in no way calling you a bad parent! I am but trying to get you to listen to some hard-gained wisdom and instruction through my OWN trial and error and by my watching others and deciding there must be a better way. If you see fault in my family, just look for a better way to do it than us, and I’m sure the Lord will be pleased if you honor Him in all you do. Once God fixes you, then you can show others (Psalm 51).

So Why ask Why? Is it wrong to ask God why? I have to conclude that it is not wrong to ask God why, because there are so many other instances in the Bible where someone asks Him why. David asks why a LOT in the Psalms.

So next time we’ll talk about examples of HOW to ask God why.

Posted in philosophy, attitude, child rearing, hints, homeschooling | 3 Comments »

January 26, 2010 by admin.

I did this work as a lecture for a ladies’ meeting.  Unfortunately, the meeting was cancelled and I didn’t get to speak, so I thought I would use it on the blog. Please understand that I am not intending this blog as a sermon to men, and am in no way trying to instruct men on how to conduct your spiritual life, but in the spirit of Titus 2, I am intending to teach younger women.   

Title:  WHY?…A Study in Trust

Little ones are notorious for asking ‘why’. There is the cutest little five year old boy who comes to our church who happens to say the most hilarious things. For instance, at the dinner table one day he announces out of the clear blue that he’s thinking about getting a baby sister. His daddy told him to let him know when he decided on getting her. J 

His Mamma started homeschooling this year and sometimes bathes him to wake him up in the morning. One morning, it wasn’t working so well. He kept falling asleep in the tub.  She noticed he was drifting and said, “You’re falling asleep. What are you doing?” to which he replied, “I’m hibernating.”   So naturally, I asked his Mamma if he’d ever said anything profound, about the word ‘why’.   

You know, he never has!   

But she did.   

She said that sometimes if he thinks he knows best, doesn’t want to do something, or is questioning her authority, he ‘gets on a why kick’.  

Why do I have to do it?  Why do you want me to do it?  But  WHY!?   

That got me to thinking about some of the things that we, as Christians, do. These are all answerable by Scripture, so if you want something to study, these are free: 

WHY do we go to church?
Why do we dress modestly?Why do we behave modestly?Why do we love the brethren? 

Why do we NOT use the language of the world?Why do we stay away from places/things that will harm our testimony?Why do we NOT cheat and steal? 

Why do we study our Bible?Why do we witness to people, invite them to church or pass out tracts? 

And WHY, when we know that someone is under conviction of the Holy Ghost of God, do we ‘feel’ in our spirits the travail of birth for a new soul?  

My husband is an historian, and his history books are full of stories of women in the early times of America, who had hard labors and died just because they ran out of strength.  Sometimes I think that we get someone to come to church with us, and the Lord deals with them- they are on the verge of coming forward and making a true commitment to Christ- and then… we fail to have the strength to bring forth!  The Church of GOD- the Bride of Christ- fails to bring forth children because we are weak.  

Do we stop our prayers short just one prayer before we need to?  Do we maybe get caught up in the temporal instead of being conscious of the eternal?  We can’t expect to be unconcerned before church, maybe even during church, and then pray really hard during one verse of “Just As I Am” and wonder WHY that soul didn’t get saved.   

Now, I am not saying that a soul’s salvation depends on our sinless, holiness, so don’t feel too bad.  Remember that the LORD is the giver of life, physical or spiritual. But we are vessels who need to be clean and strong, fit for the Master’s use. That goes for our Christian lives and testimony, and for our homes and families.   

Tell me, IS the Bible the word of God?  I know you answered yes. Then WHY do we not try and study to show ourselves approved unto GOD?  Sometimes I think that we think that if people don’t see us do bad things that no one saw, but that’s not true.  God saw, he heard, he knows our thoughts.  WHO do we think we are kidding?   

Why do we expect God to accept us just the way we are, and then let stay the way we are?  He wants us to be holy as HE is holy.  GET RID OF THE JUNK, and stop trying to be like the world.  If you are going to sell out to something, sell out to Jesus- the REAL Jesus- not some made-up fictional, anything goes, peace-loving, sin tolerating, compromising, materialistic , plastic, soap opera drama queen kind of panty waist, mystically spooky IDEA. He is REAL. He is GOD. He deserves our worship and our reverence. He does not care so much about our happiness as about our holiness.  He’s the KING of KINGS and LORD of LORDS, and He wants a direct and personal relationship with you, but on HIS terms.   WHY don’t you want that?  WHY do you expect GOD to stoop to your ideas?  WHYWHY  

Since there is so much here with the questions at the beginning, I think I will break this study up into a couple more parts.  I hope that you can find a nugget or two in the WHY questions to exercise your faith.

Posted in Bible, attitude, child rearing, prayer | 1 Comment »

November 3, 2009 by admin.

Well it’s about time for the first 9 weeks report cards to come out.  If your family is like mine, it may happen, or it may not!  Since we have been travelling so much this fall, it’s not likely that a report card will be due any time in the next week or two.  But I WILL get it done.  :)   And I expect good progress for the most part, too.  I don’t just look at actual scores.  I’m not talking about cooking the books either.  I am talking about an attitude grade. 

When looking at the letter of the law, always remember to run to the cross as fast as you can.  For the law is only a schoolmaster - and a harsh one, I must say!!!    It only shows us what we cannot accomplish.  But the law of grace! Oh how precious to hear those words - you’re forgiven!   What a day, when I met Christ, my Savior!  And he took away my guilt an shame!  What a day when Jesus paid my ransom, and he placed his Spirit deep within!   Jesus paid it all!  All to HIM I owe! 

Okay- my glory spell is over now!  :) 

What I am talking about is- DO NOT be a pushover with your children.  Justice is justice, and if they didn’t do their work happily and thoroughly, they do not need A+’s.   Be sure to have certain expectations.  BUT always err on the side of grace when it comes to attitude. 

Once (it seems like a very long time ago) a preacher used his pastoral authority in a very wrong way, and admonished his congregation to serve the Lord out of sheer duty even if they were told to do things above their ability by those in authority over them.  He went on to say that it did not matter in which attitude they served, it just counted that they did it.  They were in a position of servitude, and they were to do as told and ask no questions because it just counted in the eyes of God that they did what was “right”, not in motive. 

 But that’s not right!  I can hear you screaming at the screen.  Consequently, when folks in authority act that way, God has a way of making things right.  He was removed from office.

Remember that when you are looking for a certain amount of work to be done by your little one.  You’re in authority, yes.  They should obey you, yes.  However, your NEED for a certain amount of work to be finished for their portfolios is kind of selfish.  You want to ’show them off’ at the end of the year!!!  I hear you. 

I caution you, do not look for the unsatisfied amount in your children; but concentrate on the good.  They are learning.  The burden of proof is NOT on them.  It is on YOU.  
Think about it.  Does it really matter if all the G’s on the paper are in the lines the first time?   Do it again later after they have learned to do it through practice.  Show progress.  Does it matter if there are no ‘oopsies’ outside the lines?   What is a noun, what is a verb?  Can they do square roots?  TEACH them the terms, but in practice.  In a way they can understand.

Oh there is so much I want to say!!  There is not enough room.  (Confessing another fault. I talk too much! haha) 

I guess I better get back to report cards.  I WILL get it done. 

One day there WILL be a judgment at the throne of God.  If we are saved, we will be judged  for our works.  I am ashamed to say that many of my works will be burned up and there might be a pile of ashes at my feet instead of crowns.  I’m trying to get it together, I really am!  And that counts.  My attitude DOES count.  (Ask for my Pastor’s message about an Inconvenient Truth, and it will explain this blog better!!!)   I’m gettin’ rid of the big I in my life as best as I can! 

Of course, if you are not saved, most of this stuff doesn’t matter because you will not be judged for your works, but for rejecting the most precious gift that was ever given - salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ.  You will be standing at a totally different judgment.  Be SURE your sins will find you out.  You need to be saved if you are not. 

Admit you are a sinner.  Repent of your sins, and ask Jesus Christ to save you from your sins.  Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.   If you have questions regarding the issue of salvation, please contact us at thehoys@hoyfamily.net

Posted in attitude, report cards, curriculum, homeschooling | 1 Comment »