“Why” part three has been lost! Homeschooling Q&A

That was mean. I’m sorry It was a joke, but still kinda mean. lol.

When my family and my husband’s family found out we were planning to homeschool, we were asked several questions to which, frankly, I didn’t know the ‘pat’ answer to. As time went on, I learned what I was supposed to say, and how to say it tactfully instead of just standing up and saying something to the effect of ‘jump in a lake’. That really doesn’t go over well at family Christmas parties!

I was reminded, by Ron’s cousin, how obviously offensive we had been, although, I can’t recall specific incidents. She in effect, told me that she always thought we were insane, our children were going to be social boobs, and that she, having a master’s degree STILL doesn’t think she could homeschool. She told me we had always pushed our beliefs and our standards on everyone in the family, and that no one ever said anything about it because they were of a higher social standard, and had better manners. The only reason she was telling me then was because she was standing up for her first amendment right. You see, I had sent a mass email to all on my contact list (some of you may remember this) asking for calls to the legislature if you live in WV, and prayer if you lived outside the voting area concerning a potentially harmful bill to homeschoolers. At the end, I expressed my personal belief that if one was not right with God, they needed to get that taken care of first, before helping me pray about this issue. I think she took offence to that…

Now, I can’t understand some of her statements, because for one reason, I know for a fact that although she is not married, neither does she have her own children, she was for a while, a FANTASTIC nanny. Whether she knows so or not, she taught those children things without trying. I also know that although she has impecable manners, I got questions from other, obviously more ill- mannered, family members. They were questions like:

1. Isn’t it illegal to keep a child home-bound?

2. Don’t you have to have a teaching degree?

3. What about socialization?

4. What if somebody reports you to the school board?

5. Where are you going to get your books?

6. How are you going to make them do school work?

7. Why don’t you just send them to the Christian school?

8. What are you going to do when they get in to algebra and chemistry and hard classes like that?

And threats like:

1. I work at the school. I think I’m going to ask the teachers there if it’s legal.

2. I know people who have been ‘called on’ (to CPS) for less than what you’re doing.

3. “Them kids ain’t gonna know how to act when they get out of the house.”

4. I bet when they turn 18 they’ll leave so fast you can’t catch ‘em.

5. I KNOW you have to have a teaching degree because someone told me.

6. The truant officer can come and get them at any time of day or night and you can’t do anything about it.

And statements like:

1. You went to public school and you didn’t turn out so bad.

2. There is nothing wrong with schools.

3. Oh I’m sorry. Y’all don’t know about stuff like homecoming week and prom.

4. I know where you can get some really cheap books. My friend tried homeschooling and it didn’t work.

5. I know these kids who just lay around and eat all day while their mom plays on the internet. And they are supposed to be homeschoolers.

YES, I got those threats. YES I was scared. NO I didn’t know the answers to the questions when I first started. What did I do? I smiled and told them the answers one by one… no, no, they have friends, go ahead, I will find them somewhere, and …they better or else … no, we’re going to homeschool..we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I apologise right now to those family members who I offended, or might offend in the following sentences. I invite you to look at my children very closely. Although you may see humans, capable of, and indeed, guilty of, sin and misdeeds, they are potentially productive citizens who will get along just fine with folks who question their beliefs and lifestyles. They know math, history, English, literature, music, art, geography, spelling, science, world cultures, and Spanish. They have many friends in Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, Alabama, Ohio, Iowa, Illinois, South Carolina and Virginia as well as in our own state. They are computer and internet savvy, can order a pizza- and can answer the telephone, too! One is even 18, and although she IS planning on getting married in a year or two, she isn’t living on the streets because she hates me.

Are they perfect? NO…are yours? Are they geniuses? NO…are yours? Do they do ornery and plain old outright wrong things? Sometimes…do yours?

Although I admit, when I was getting these questions in ‘real-time’ I was not as wise, nor as tactful as I could have, or probably should have been, but it’s a bit hipocritical and downright mean to ask a person some of these things, or threaten them! So I caution you if you are new to homeschooling to take a deep breath, learn the ‘pat’ answers and just shrug some of these things off like a duck does water.

I don’t know who said it, but I agree with whoever said, “We fear what we do not understand”.

Now, to address the questions.

1. Isn’t it illegal to keep a child home-bound? First off, the term ‘home-bound was used for many years to explain why a child who was either physically or mentally handicapped did not have to attend the public school. Other than those children, all children were expected to attend a structured school environment of some sort. Around here in the 1970’s there was a protest against some textbooks being used by the public schools, and Christian schools were developed. It’s most people’s belief that a child must attend a structured school environment in order to learn. They are clearly un-informed (per use of outdated terms) and trying to be good people by warning you that you are out of order. They are trying to help you, and keep you out of trouble! They do not hate you, but they are going to talk about you. They will say mean things about you to other family members - “They are weird.” ” Did you know that Ronnie and Peggy are stupid enough to try and keep them kids out of school?” “They are going to get in trouble with the law!” They will even go so far as to agree with your kind neighbors. “Yes, I know, they are keeping them kids homebound and they won’t never know what it’s like to go to the prom!”

2. Don’t you have to have a teaching degree? Again, the folks who ask this are just trying to make conversation. They do not mean you any harm or ill. They are mininformed and do not understand, nor are they familiar with homeschooling law. Okay, I’m being generous. Some of them really think you need a teaching degree and think you are out of your gourd. They are trying to find a loop hole in your plans to make you scratch your head and tell them you think they might be right. Memorize the law if you have to, but be kind when answering them. Otherwise, you will find out 20 years later that you were rude, crude and socially unacceptable at Christmas.

3. What about socialization? First of all, I don’t know where people learn this word! It seems that everyone knows it! I think it’s the public school mantra… you must have socialization…you must have socialization… I mean, I can almost understand someone asking something like, “Aren’t you afraid he/she won’t have any friends?” or “Who are they going to play with?” But when someone, who speaks like most of the people I grew up around, comes off with a word like ’socialization’, I wonder where they hid the people I really know! And, further more….WHY do YOU care? They are not your children. They are not old enough to vote yet..(oh brother don’t get me started on the kids I see who are potential voters who go to public school!) They aren’t bothering you…DO YOU WANT A PLAYMATE to help me out?! It’s a hidden vocabulary. What the word socialization means is: Prom, dating, sports, class changing, recess, ‘walking’ to get a diploma, and ‘friends’. My husband also says it means- locker rooms, cheerleading, back seats, ‘out back behind the bleachers.’ gossip, cliques and cigarettes. You may have your own standards on all of these things, and I am not going to talk about them here and now. All I will say about this one is, find your answer and stick with it. Ours is - They have plenty of friends, thanks for being concerned.

4. What if someone reports you to the school board? Well, what if? Do they mean they are going to? Maybe. Make sure you are legally right, and don’t worry about it. Document your letter of intent and the perky little letter they send back giving their permission for you to be an exceptional school. By the way- that letter is for show. You didn’t ask for permission, you gave a letter of INTENT. Under WV state law, if you choose the right one, it’s not permission. If you feel compelled, pull out the kids’ standardized tests, if they do them, and brag a little. The naysayers won’t understand what they are seeing, but if they see little black lines to the right of the grid, even public schooled people know that usually means ‘good’. Chances are, they just want to know how serious you are about it. They may be uninformed, but they aren’t blind, deaf and dumb. They do like your kids…what’s not to like?!

5. Where are you going to get your books? This might actually be a legitimate question. I don’t take offense to this question most of the time. Explain to them that there are many curriculum options - so many that it’s hard to choose sometimes! Ask them to come over and help you look through catalogs and on the internet if they are really concerned about the child’s education. Sometimes, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles love your kids a lot, and they are truly concerned. Most of them are not concerned enough to pay for the books, but hey, you tried

6. How are you going to make them do schoolwork? What? Gimme a break. I am not addressing this issue. I just spent three blogs before on child rearing, and you don’t want to read that spiritual and religious stuff any more. Here is a question, though, to ask back. How do teachers in public school make the kids behave? I dare say, you will have answers like - “They don’t! I can’t believe how…” and then, you are off the hook. They won’t talk about homeschooling for a while.

7. Why don’t you just send them to the Christian school? This is, without being intentional, questioning your intelligence. You can tell because of the word, ‘just’. It’s implying that it is easy to send your child to a private school, and too hard to teach your own children. While some Christian schools do require their teachers to have teaching and or master’s degrees in education, some do not. What makes that man or woman any more qualified? I guess you COULD be rude back, and say…WHY does your dog always pee on my rose bush? It would change the subject lol. But without being rude, and that is what we are trying to avoid…you may say, “We chose as a family, and believe it is God’s will for us to homeschool.” You do not have to say…We can’t afford it. As a matter of fact, DO NOT say that because they will then say…’How do you afford to buy books?” …especially if you have been nice and shown them curriculum options lol.

8. What are you going to do when they get in to algebra and chemistry and hard classes like that? Well, lets see…you can always try my way… take the class yourself and try and get through it with them. Ask for help. Use curriculum that explains it. I choose to take the high road and say…. I don’t know how, but I’m not going to make you go through it alone. What do public school parents do? What do Christian school parents do? Probably the same thing if they love their kids! So you can ask them…”What did YOU do when your Johnny and Susie had to take algebra?” Or …”We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free the share them in the comments. I know that some of you reading this blog are not homeschoolers. I hope I have helped you understand better what homeschoolers get asked and how we feel about it when we do. If you have ever asked some of these questions and did them in innocency, please forgive me for lumping you in with my personal experience. If you care to explain your questions, PLEASE feel free!